What To Say In A Dirty Text Message – 4 Tips For Guys & Girls

Posted in Dirty Text Messages 

Hey whattup yall, P-Funk here.

When you’re a sex-texting guru like me, people will constantly ask you what to say in a “dirty” text message. Lucky for me (and for you, I suppose) the answer to this question comes very easily to me.

Almost all of the text messages I write are dirty or “naughty” in some way.

This post will guide you through 7 key essentials to remember when sending dirty text messages. There will be advice for both dudes and chics. It will be effective and actionable (and free) so keep reading.

Here we go…

1. Start smooth. The worst thing to do (whether you’re a guy or a girl) is to start off too strong. Whether it’s your boyfriend or husband you’re texting, your girlfriend or wife, or just some chic that you’re trying to bang — the key here is to hint at something dirty without saying too much.

It’s the worst when you try to initiate the dirty texting with something too strong like, “Baby, I just want to squeeze those fuckin titties and spank ur little ass cheeks til they get all red…” and then NOT get a reply back. You just feel like a jack-ass until (if) they write back.

(That was an example using a dude talking to a girl, but ladies, you get the point.)

Unless your texting partner is the one initiating it, don’t get too dirty too fast. With regard to what to say in a dirty text message to initiate the action, you might try something like…[in order of how comfortable you are with the person]

“Can you take a picture and send it to me?” – may not seem sexually loaded, but this is one of the best ways to get dirty with it. It somehow magically tends to lead to getting naked.

“What are you wearing?” - this one is best for a dude/chic that you’ve maybe banged and/or hooked up with 1-2 times. It’s pretty loaded sexually so you have to be confident to pull it off.

“OMG I just learned about this new sex position that’s ridiculous” - this one’s for a guy/girl that you’ve been banging for a while. They will almost always reply with, “Really? What is it?” — which is pretty easy to transition into some sexy talk.

“Send me a picture of your titties baby” – hahaa, admittedly one of my all-time favorites, this is obviously best for somebody that you’re very comfortable with. Ladies, this can be easily umm, modified for the dude in your life in the following manner: “I’m hungry, send me a picture of that dick baby” — or something to that effect.

2. Stay smooth. To continue along with this somewhat nonchalant, unassuming style, is often a big turn-on and can lead to some serious sex talk.

People generally enjoy talking dirty via tex IF they feel comfortable with it. By being casual about it, you relieve pressure from the other person, and this relaxation often can cause horniness (assuming the other person is somewhat attracted to you sexually).

[If they're not attracted to you sexually (that sucks) you might want to check this post out - it was written for guys on how to pick up new girls that are hot, but girls, a lot of the principles will be useful for you too. ]

3. Bob and weave. The major mistake that people make when texting, not just with regard to what to say in a dirty text message, but what to say in general — is that they fail to gauge the other person’s reaction accurately. And if they DO gauge the reaction properly, they fail to respond in the best way.

Here’s are a few examples of what NOT to do


You: “Hey baby, wanna talk about sex?”

Your partner (30 minutes later): “Huh? Ok..”

You: “You make me so hot, I just want to throw you down on the bed, get you all naked and rub you down with oil!”

Your partner (10 minutes later): “Ya that sounds nice”


Note, not only did your partner sound apprehensive, nervous, surprised — but they also took 30 minutes to respond the first time. And another ten the second time.

They’re “texting” body language is saying that they’re probably not very engaged with you right now. And that means that as opposed to plowing ahead on the same course you were just on, try something new. A different strategy.

4. Blowjobs and flowers. It’s tough to give you an example that will be specific enough to use since I don’t know your partner, but here’s the next best thing…

2 pieces of timeless wisdom, that, IF you take the time to meditate upon (at least 20 minutes/day for a few weeks), you will never have to wonder what to say in a dirty text message EVER again:

Dudes like blowjobs – typically any talk about blowjobs will get there engines running.

Chics like flowers, candy, and diamonds – typically get their engines running similarly hahah.

Some other texting tips you may like: (girls, you may like it to – like I said, mostly written for guys, but still applicable to girls)

Have a crush on somebody? Here’s what to text them

Some fun text message game idea for guys or girls you just met

More examples of stuff to say to girls in texts

Go back to the main Sex Texting Category

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3 Responses to “What To Say In A Dirty Text Message – 4 Tips For Guys & Girls”

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