How Often To Text A Girl You Just Met (Hint: NOT What You Think)

Posted in How to Text Girls 

P-Funk here to teach you about a VERY important text messaging tip – How often to text a girl you just met.

Seriously fellas, listen up because this is one of the most common mistakes that guys make when they’re texting girls.

I wish I could just give you a straight answer or rule of thumb for how often to text a girl you just met – I wish I could be like, “Oh, there’s a girl you like? Just text her once a week,” – but unfortunately, I can’t.

But every situation is just so different.

What I CAN do though, is drop some philosophy on yo’ bitch ass (j/k, you’re not a bitch) and teach you the CONCEPTS that you need to know in order to make this decision for yourself on the fly.


>>>>UPDATE: How to start a text conversation with a girl<<<<

Rule #1: Don’t Be A One-Trick Pony

Texting is all well and good. It’s fun, easy, non-invasive. You can try “Sexting” or “Text Sex” and get a little horny. You can send dirty texts and pictures back-and-forth. You can play fun texting games and get to know each other a little.

All-in-all, it’s money and most women dig it.

BUT, women also dig real connections.

If you’re reading this, you’re most likely a stinky-butt dude. No shame, I am too. But us dudes, we’re built WAY differently than women. I mean, like night and day when it comes to emotions and shit.

You and I, we’d bang pretty much any hot chick. Like literally, a hot chick could walk up to you, say some shit in a foreign language, touch your dick a little, start kissing you, and you would be ready to bust a nut. And I would be too.

But for women it’s different.

For women (and younger chicks too) a lot of the pleasure they derive from sex is because of the emotional connection they have with the person.

So though you may hear chicks joking about how they’d bang XYZ dude, if it came down to it, they’d definitely prefer to go on a few dates first. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a steadfast law – there is the occasional cock-slut that just wants to bang every guy. But MOST girls get a significant amount of their pleasure from the emotional connection.

What the fuck does this have to do with how often to text a girl you just met?

The texting medium is not as rich as other forms of communication. It’s just writing back and forth. You don’t hear the other person’s voice, tone, or inflection. You can’t see them. You can’t touch or smell. It’s very impersonal compared to hanging out in person, talking on the phone, or even chatting on AIM.

Even if you’re a text messaging master like me and my boys, the medium can be limiting.

What’s more, bitches WANT to talk on the phone. They like it.

So don’t get so caught up in trying to figure out the perfect things to say to a girl in a text message, or the perfect time to text her and stuff that you forget your real goal is – which I presume is to bang (or have a relationship with) her.

If you can achieve your goal much more effectively by growing a pair of balls, picking up the phone, and making her horny with your voice, then don’t hesitate to do that!

Not good on the phone? This will help your phone game.

Rule #2: Girls Want The Guy They Can’t Have

People in general want what they can’t have, but this applies to chicks in a big way – particularly younger chicks, like between 18-25. Older chicks are a bit different.

Just imagine two chicks sitting around and talking about a guy that both of them have a little crush on. But neither of the girls really likes the guy enough to make serious moves on him.

Now imagine that one of the girls hooks up w/ said dude.

In the instant that chick #2 (the girl that didn’t get to hook up with the guy) hears about this, she’s most likely going to get wicked jealous AND have a mysteriously strong attraction to the guy.

She may even be a slut and fuck him behind her friend’s back. She may literally ditch her friendship because of how jealous she is and how badly she now wants this guy that she couldn’t have.

That’s how strong this principle is.

So how can you translate this into a rule for how often to text a girl you just met? It’s easy…

Rule #3: When In Doubt, Text LESS Frequently

If you’re texting a girl all the time, you’re her puppy dog. She can get you to do whatever she wants you to do.

You know it and so does she.

So in order to come off as that guy that she CAN’T have, that guy that makes her super-horny, that guy that she’ll ditch her best friend for…

You need to create some SCARCITY.

Ever heard of scarcity? It means when you don’t have as much of something that you would like. For instance, you may say, “There is a scarcity of water and I’m thirsty mother fucker! Water is scarce around these parts.”

The easiest way to create scarcity in text messaging is to text LESS frequently.

Asking how often to text a girl you just met is not the right question. A lot of guys think in terms of like

“Should I text her everyday?”

“Should I text her once/week?”

“Should I text her twice/week?”

It is important, but another important question is how quickly you text her back. <———–That’s important, read it again.

In addition to thinking in terms of frequency, you need to think really critically in terms of TIMING too.

If she texts you and you text her back immediately, it looks like you were sitting around with your thumb up your ass, bored like a mo-fo, and not doing anything. You’re her puppy dog.

But if she texts you and you don’t respond until the next day, well then shit, look at you Mr. Celebrity. Sorry to interrupt your busy schedule. Can I get you a glass of champagne?

That’s where you want to be.

Alright, y’all – I’m out. Hope you enjoyed this and have more insight on how often to text a girl you just met.

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16 Responses to “How Often To Text A Girl You Just Met (Hint: NOT What You Think)”

  1. SamAali on May 23rd, 2011 11:43 pm

    Hey, how are you? I’m Sam, 20 years old I have to little story and to different story…. the first one

    1- About 6 month a go I met a blonde lovely girl how I met her? Actually, I had German course at university first class my teacher told us everyone takes partner she where setting by herself and me either she looked at me and me either but we didn’t get together the second class same things but I asked her to be my partner and she was happy to be. and actually we had a nice conversation and she was setting next to me for four months I mean for the whole semester.

    2 months later, it was holiday and I was at the nightclub I met her accidentally over there and she were with her friend ( girl ). once she sow me she screaming loudly and hugged me strongly. week after, she asked me to get out with her to watch a movie and I got her number to text her about that but we could not she sent me a message “my boyfriend wants me to get out with him sorry I couldn’t go out today” I text her back “that’s find have fun and enjoy ur time with him ;) “.

    Once we done the course I text her just asking about her mark. and she text me back and I text her again she didn’t text back! ..

    me: He Melissa how are you doing? I hope that every thing going well :) … did u finish all of ur exam?

    her: Yes I did they were okay I’m glad its over with

    me: My exams have ended next week I’ll go to Halifax till April, 23 then I’ll go to Cuba, r u gonna stay here in Saint John?

    I thought she will not text again because she didn’t text me back ….. but after 2 months she text me

    she: hey hey :) how are you?

    me: heey I’m good how r u doing? long time no see :) where r u been?

    she: Well it was done classes since april lol now im just living life lol

    me: u r so lucky school sucks im taking some spring courses and then in the summer I’ll be free just relaxing and parties and that stuff u know haha .. So r u still in Rothesay?.

    ( From Saint John to Rothesay just 15 minutes by car)
    I’m in SJ and she in Rothesay.

    she: Yes I an you should tell me when there are parties lol

    me: sure dont worry about it ;) r u still going to Tonic I have seen u just once over there!

    ( Tonic: the night club that I met here once at there)

    She: Ya I always woek on weekend so its hard to go out you?

    me: Oh that’s sucks I really love there … I will make a bigg party during the week day for ya :P Actually, there is a party in Olearys every thursday u dont need to pay for going inside its free for girls ;) ..

    after that she didnt answer … was about a week ago…

    I don’t know what I should to do with her?
    what kinda message I should text it to her?
    How can I hang out with her?
    How can I ask her to hang out or watch movie or something fun?
    and do u think she loves me or she just likes me?

  2. SamAali on May 23rd, 2011 11:46 pm

    Ya and she helped me once after the class I had German presentation and I asked her to help me and she did she stay after her class and she was waiting for me…. she is sweet.. I like her so much.. but what can I do?

  3. SamAali on May 23rd, 2011 11:51 pm

    something hard for me may be…. sometimes I face hard time to explain something by English because it’s my second language… so, Is there any solution for this lil problem? I doing ok this message I wrote it by myself but I don’t know i need to improve it more!

  4. hayley on August 2nd, 2011 1:24 pm

    This is all bullshit. If you wait a day or more to text a girl back she is NOT going to want you more, she’s going to think you’re not that interested and move on. No girl wants a guy who is clingy and doesn’t let her go 5 minutes without a text from him all damn day long, but to text a girl everyday a little is not a bad thing. It shows that you’re interested and girls like to be chased.

    Also … mature girls … once they get a little older (and this all varies from girl to girl, for me it’s 21) don’t WANT to play games. BUT. We’re good at it. So we’re not going to start playing a game unless you force us to. So if you want to text us, don’t play games. Text us. If you don’t want to wait 20 minutes to text us back, don’t. Reply immediately if you want. If you have something to do and you’re busy, tell us. The MINUTE you guys start playing texting games, we’re playing too. We’re going to confuse the hell out of you while we’re at it.

    So let’s try to avoid games, eh?
    Text her as much as you want, but have a life while you’re at it and you’ll come across as interested but independent with a healthy life.

    The end.

    I’m a chick.

    And OBVIOUSLY you guys STILL can’t get it right.

  5. P-Funk on August 22nd, 2011 2:43 pm

    Hayley, thanks for the insight. I LOVE it when chicks give us advice. It’s usually very direct, insightful, and accurate.

    You’re right that girls are generally much more astute and aware of what’s going on. If a guy’s playing games, they’ll pick up on it and play defense.

    Thanks again – please hang out more and post more comments – I’ll approve them right away.

    Also, if you feel like writing your own post, let me know and we can make that happen. I’d love to get some more good advice from you.

  6. Dho on November 14th, 2011 7:19 pm

    I agree with Hayley, she hit the nail on the head in every aspect of texting, between a girl and a guy. Communicate, be honest, and don’t be clingy. Girls want to have fun, they want to be chased, but don’t ignore them. They have the potential to make our life much harder.


  7. Dee on October 27th, 2012 11:52 am

    Hello, I’m having trouble figuring out how often to text this girl I just met (about two weeks ago).

    Here’s the backstory: I went up to her and her friend while they were dancing alone with each (no guys around) I told them that you’re prettiest girls in the club that I’ve seen in the club tonight then I walked off. ( They both said thank you.) About 5 min. Later I noticed the hottest one was staring at me, so I went over to her and danced with her and she told me I was hot. (I said thanks) “Of course she was the one I wanted” lol

    After a dance she was like ” Maybe we should get together and hang out again sometime” I’m was like “Sounds great (I pulled out my iPhone) and said put your number in here. And she said” Text me now” I did.

    Okay, now back to two weeks later.. . Note: I tried my best to make every convo about her and listen and used her info. to connect with her better etc. We’ve had great convos and connected very well.

    My problem: I have to text her first every day and she never text me first except for one time. It was like a week in the relation.
    What is this? Should I skip a day or two with out talking to her to see if she will text me? She’s really hot and maybe she wants me to chase after her. “Thats not me” Help!! I really like her. She’s 21

  8. P-Funk on October 28th, 2012 8:33 am

    Hi Dee, thanks for the question. This is an easy one. In fact, you should be excited!

    The fact that you have to text first all the time, is not the worst problem. It’s much more difficult / worrisome when there is a girl that won’t text back.

    She could be playing hard to get & wanting you to chase after her. But she could also be busy. Or even more likely, really shy & afraid that you might not text her back.

    If I were you, I would look to establish a deeper connection with this girl. You can create a connection with a woman over texting, but nothing can take the place of richer forms of communication like talking on the phone.

    Women very much like talking on the phone. And it gives you a chance to get to know her much more closely & establish an even more intimate connection.

    Next time you’re in the midst of texting with her, try giving her a call. When she picks up, say something funny like “I hope you give good finger massages because my fingers are killing me from all this texting.”

    Hope this helps brotha. Best of luck to you.


  9. Lucas on November 4th, 2012 7:59 am


    well im a sophmore in highschool and just yesterday i went to a big football game between my highschool, Gonzaga, and our rival, St. Johns, after the game i went to the 5th auarter party and while i was talking to some friends a random girl comes up and starts dancing for me.

    I dance along for a little bit and she tells me she is being paid 5$ to do this by her friend. The way she said it disn’t seem like she was trying to say she didn’t like me but more like she’s not the type of girl to do this kind of thing regularly. After she is done i ask her name and give her mine and then I just walked away cuz i thought it was really awkward.

    I wish i hadn’t walked away but i did and i think it messed up my chances with her cuz it made me look like a scared little immature kid. Later on i run into her again and she is talking with one of her friends and one of my friends. I say hi to the friend and hi to Cali(the girl) and then we talk as a group for a little bit. At that point they had to leave so i say goodbye to everyone and then when im hugging cali goodbye i whisper in her ear “i don’t think i ever got your number” so she says yea sure in a kinda of sort enthusiastic but not really kind of way.

    Then she stands there and after like 5 seconds i realize i shavn’t given her my phone and so i give it to her and stupidly kind of half mumble in a thought to be comical way “ehh ur giving it to me?” and she heard me and said yea why not. She then puts in her number but doesnt make a new contact she just types it in. My friend is busing saying “yea lucas get it” in the background and then we talk a little bit more and she asks if im a senior because im wearing my brother’s class of 2012 jacket and i say “nah im a sophmore” and she responds ” ahh why is everyone a sophmore” in a joking way and i ask her what grade she is in and she says junior.

    I say “haha junior is alright” in a slighly suggestive way as in me dating a junior wouldnt be weird. So then we say our goodbyes and they leave. Oh and she goes to a school like 25 miles from where i live but i dont know where exactly she lives. Please help me with how to initiate the first text conversation and to regain her respect from all those mess ups i had

  10. P-Funk on November 4th, 2012 6:30 pm

    Lucas, thanks for all the detail. The sequence seems simple right? Meet girl, text girl, start conversation, get a date, etc.

    But in real life, starting a text conversation with a girl you met recently is not the easiest thing in the world. Here are some keys for success:

    1. Say something fun & playful. You want to keep it light to start. Women (and people in general) are attracted to humor. It’s a subtle sign that you’re confident in yourself, which is the main thing girls look for in guys. An example of something playful you might text a girl to start a conversation is something like “Hey new friend random meeting you the other night, are you always so nice to strangers?” Or another sorta cocky funny thing you can say to a girl in a text is “:P me sticking my tongue out at you”.

    2. Make up a funny nickname for her. The nickname should be based on your initial interaction with her. Text something to start the conversation like “Hey what you up to there [NICKNAME] (my new nickname for you)?” that’ll likely make her text back & say something like “Why is THAT my nickname?” and then you can tell her in a playful way. So in your case w/ this girl, since she said her friend paid her to come up to you. You could call her something like ‘five dolla make ya holla” and then when she asks why, tell her it’s because her friend paid her $5 to come up to you.

    3. Don’t wait too long. If you wait too long to text, she may think you’re not interested, or worse, forget all about you. I’ll typically text something directly after meeting a girl. Or a lot of times while I’m still standing there with her. If you don’t text immediately, I’d recommend texting a day or two later. Don’t believe those guys that say you should wait a week, blah blah blah. In terms of when to text a girl after meeting, the sooner the better generally.

    4. Don’t be scared to call. If you felt the first meeting was good, you should call. Calling girls is more personal than texting them & a lot of women appreciate that. Sounds like this girl likes you… at least a little. See how she replies to your text openers & if she’s digging you (i.e. replying quickly & being open with you) then you should give her a buzz. Practice a little for the conversation so you have some conversation pieces & don’t have to search for things to talk about. Here’s a good article with things to say to a girl over the phone.

    Hope that helps brotha. Come back & let us know how it turns out.

  11. Lucas on November 5th, 2012 5:57 pm

    ok Well this is a follow up to my prior comment about how i met this girl.

    I took your advice and used te nickname when i texted her on monday. I thought i all was going pretty good. I was being funny she was laughing and i ended the converation without losing sight of my goal which was to create confortability between us and learn about her.

    The only thing that threw me off was when she called me man at the end im not sure what it means.

    If you could critique my texts and give me some pointers for improvement in the future that would be great. Also if you could help me interpret the “man” she called me ad what it might mean in addition to what/when i should text her next; should i go straight for a meetup or date or should i continue building comfortability and get to know her more.
    This is the convo

    Me: Hey it was nice meeting you Cali $5 dancer (new nickname?) – lucas

    Cali: Thank you for helping me get $5 lucas(: lol

    Me:Oh yeah no problem. Should i be expecting my cut of it in the mail soon?…

    Cali:Hahaha no, i chose someone random. i could have easily danced with someone else

    Me:Nah i think you got dared to go dance with “that guy with devilish charm” over there by one of your friends

    Cali:Hahaha no i picked you random

    Me:So who are you Cali?

    Cali:Haha what do you mean who am i? Lol

    Me:Like if you were to go on a talk show and they asked you who is Cali what would you say?

    Cali:I would say im a very bubbly person. Im like an energizer bunny. I dont care what people think of me i just like to be myself and have fun. Im a straight a student at bowie who takes 3 ap classes, im 16, i love art, i love animals, ii love the ocean, i love disney and i always smile

    Me:so you’re a fun smart artsy bubbly marine bunny/joker from dark knight named cali
    Cali: Exactly lol

    Me: Sounds pretty solid. Well Mrs. Energizer bunny I am pretty backed up on homework right now, but we should definitely catch up some time:)

    Cali: Haha(: okay man well when ever your not loaded on homework just hit me up(:

  12. P-Funk on November 6th, 2012 5:19 am

    Dude, that was awesome! I mean, masterful. Capital MASTERFUL! Great friggin job dude. I don’t think it could’ve gone any better.

    Here’s what I’d do now:

    Wait until Thursday or Friday to text her back. She was digging you bro. You definitely made an impression. You see all those smiley faces, all those LoLs, and the detail she went into when you asked her who she is… she is liking it.

    She hopes that you text her again tonight. But you won’t. Instead, let her think. Let her wonder about what you’re doing, whether she made a good impression, etc. Believe me, girls overthink EVERYTHING. Let her simmer for a while & wonder.

    Don’t worry that she called you man, man! Who cares about that shit? She’s just trying to be cute and/or make you wonder since you’ve got her wondering already. The rest of that sentence is actually more important.

    She says ‘when ever your not loaded on homework just hit me up’ with TWO smileys in one sentence. I wouldn’t give that one bit of thought. In fact, I’d probably bust her balls a little by calling her ‘dude’ every now & again.

    Keep up the fun & playfulness next time you text her. She clearly responded well. And you did an excellent job at it. Once you have her talking, transition into text game like Love it or Hate it – this is a simple game that helps you get to know each other better & can easily be transitioned into sexual / relationship questions.

    I wouldn’t ask her out quite yet. I would text with her one or two more times to build more comfort, trust & attraction. As you’re texting, if she’s responding quickly, call her. If you get her on the phone, your chances of her going out with you are way higher. And even if she doesn’t answer, calling shows that you have some balls. You can easily recover w/ a ‘my thumbs getting sore from all this texting’

    If you realllly want to ask her out, make sure you frame it like “Hey I’m going to BLANK on Friday, you should come.” – that way it’s like you’re already doing something & not just sitting around bored waiting for her.

    Dude, hope this helps & again AWESOME fuckin text work. I’m very proud of you. Please come back & let us know how it goes.

  13. Lucas on November 9th, 2012 9:15 pm

    Okay well this is the follow up to my last post this is the second convo i had with her. I dont think i did as well in it as the last one. It started out a little slow but i think i finished strong. I left the ball in her court to text me back. Critique please
    This is the convo:
    Me: Heyo energizer bunny lets play some love it or hate it
    Cali: Aite lets do it:)
    Me: football
    Cali:Absolutely love it, ravens fan all the way
    Me: ooh im more of a giants man myself
    Cali: Hey not gonna judge eli manning is pretty sexy
    Me: Oho so thats why you love football so much?
    Cali: No because its an interesting sport to watch
    Me: Haha aight fair enough. Your turn
    Cali: Hockey
    Me: Love it. Caps are boss
    Cali: Samee!
    Me: Cant wait till december i might go to a game or two this season
    Cali: Sweet(:
    Me: raging
    Cali: What?
    Me: You kno.. Goin out late partying all night. Love it or hate it
    Cali: Love it! Haha im the life of the party. The energzier bunny
    Me: Eh i dont know i would have to see it to believe it. You seem kinda docile:P
    Cali: Your kidding me -__-.
    Me: I dunno im kindof a skeptic but ill see you in action sooner or later
    Cali: Haha yeah:)
    Me: Aight well im making an early start tmmrw but hit me up later maybe we can set something up
    Cali: Okay cool:) will do

  14. P-Funk on November 13th, 2012 6:13 pm

    Hey man, I think you did well this time, too. Here’s some observations / questions…

    The love it or hate it game is working. She was very responsive to playing (if a girl doesn’t like you at all, she won’t be as responsive to playing text games). You can use this as a tool to get to know her better & build comfort. Next time you’re texting with her (or hopefully talking to her on the phone), keep going with this game, but gradually make the questions a little more personal.

    How long is she taking to respond? When you’re having a text conversation with a girl that’s really into you, she will typically respond pretty quickly. This means she’s engaged. If she’s taking a long time, it usually means she’s not that interested, but if you’ve only had a couple text conversations, maybe she’s just busy. But if she consistently takes a long time to text you back, she may be less interested.

    If this is the case, you should intentionally take longer to text her back. Also, consider turning up the sarcasm & challenging her. Pick up artists call this type of challenging a “Neg” – designed to be challenging & make a girl thing, but not offensive.

    You’re doing a good job at this already. You say things like “Oh, so THAT’s why you love football” this is a subtle way to challenge her without being mean. You also told her she seems docile in this string, another Neg, which made her respond. Girls want what they can’t have, so if you seem challenging, she’ll like it. If you’re too nice & texting back too fast, she’s going to think, “I’ve got this guy, no challenge, boring… NEXT!”

    BUT if you overdo the Negs, she may just think you’re a dick & get mad.

    Consider dropping a small compliment on her. You’ve been doing an extra good job at “Negging” or challenging her. Negs are designed to put cocky, judgmental girls in their place. But this girl seems like she’s being sweet & compliant. Consider dropping a subtle compliment on her to see how she responds. Some women really get turned off by too many challenging remarks & prefer to just keep it real. Try this & see how she reacts.

    EXCELLENT job putting the ball in her court. This is a great way to see if a girl is interested or not. I’ve found that even sometimes when a girl is interested, she won’t text back. I’m pretty sure it’s because they’re shy, insecure about it, etc.

    Text her if she doesn’t reply by Thursday. If she doesn’t reply, just assume it’s because she’s too shy or timid. Open with something fun like an energizer joke or a love it or hate it question (or both) to start the text conversation…. your goal on this one is to transition it to a PHONE conversation. That’s right. I can hear you freaking out at the thought of it.

    But the fact is that your chances of creating comfort with a girl increase dramatically when you have phone conversations. As you’re texting just write “Hold up energizer i’m gonna call you in a min” and then call her in like 5.

    Excellent job, Lucas! I’m very proud of you brotha. Please report back.

  15. Lucas on December 17th, 2012 5:38 pm

    Hey P-Funk nice to be on your site again after a while. Well, the saga continues. Okay so exactly one week after the last convo i had with cali(look in my last comment) she texted me
    Cali: Hey man
    Me: oh hey dude going to go out and party late tonight?
    Cali: Nope haha tommorow though
    Me: I bet i could guess what you’re going to do on the first try.
    Cali: Whats that supposed to mean? Lol its a 17th bday party
    Me: Nah its just that Twilight came out this weekend. But a birthday party sounds rockin
    Cali:Im seeing that tonight lol
    Me: Haha knew it
    Cali: You should see it
    Me: I would but i havnt seen any of the movies cept the 1st one
    Cali:You need to be caught up
    Me: ooh maybe..
    Me: Don’t know if i’d like it

    The conversation dropped off here and never picked up again. I dont know if it was because of her going to see the movie or if it was something else. Ok well if you could comment/critique my latest texts so i can improve and also i was wondering if at this point since its been a month since our last text convo and we had some alright kinda sorta comforatbility built up i could just throw a text her way this friday or saturday asking what her plans are this weekend/ inviting her to this big party im going to.

    Ok so thats basically all of it. Give me your honest feedback on the situation and some advice along with it. Thanks alot

  16. Lucas on December 28th, 2012 12:39 pm

    Ayo so the situation has changed. I ended up just not inviting her to the party and btw it was a fucking awesome party. Ok so i still havnt texted her since mid november and now there is a homecoming dance at my school in late january. I think this is a great opportunity to get to know her better in a very lax environment cuz its The kind of dance where you just invite a friend if you’re not dating someone at the time. Alright so let me know if this is a good idea or if not then what should i do instead. Thanks

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